Here is a writing sample from my fantasy novel I've been tinkering away at for a few weeks now. I'm trying to tighten my style. I always worry whether or not my plot will be gripping, like I have to find some grand theme that will explain the human existence. Then I'm reminded that some of the most popular, and most effective stories were simple and fun, and still portended to larger issues and had just as much value as something as heavy as, say, Crime and Punishment. Any critiques/comments/shout-outs would be great! My email is yithril@gmail.com.
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Here it is, the introduction-
Pulling back the folds of his gray robe, Yithril sneered as he finally caught sight of a lone silhouette, making its way towards him through the thicket of trees. Nothing was worse than being made to wait for hours past the appointed time, and now that the sun was beginning to descend into the skyline, darkness would be upon him soon. He had already taken a great many risks in finally discovering the location of the forest of Crystal Tears. The closest village was over forty leagues away and few people there had ever ventured so deep into the forest. Yithril glanced around and found the reason for that to be glaringly obvious. A strange magic pervaded all living things, transforming all the trees and plant matter into a crystalline substance. Yithril took a moment to run his hands along the bark of what could possibly be a tall oak. Always the keen observer, he noted that the lines running up the bark formed straight lines, hardly the work of nature’s hand. The leaves were also perfect geometric shapes, with no irregularity. Looking at the ground, each leaf formed perfect triangles and squares, with broken leaves shattering into small crystals. The entire forest seemed to predictably sway, beholden to unseen clockwork. Yithril wrapped himself tighter into the folds of his cloak as small wisps of freezing air blew past, causing the leaves to sway and fill the air with a haunting melody. He held his cloak close to his face, with only a few strands of platinum hair sticking out. He turned expectantly towards the figure who had now come into full view. A lithe young woman, clad in a leather corset and form fitting pants, made her way towards Yithril, hardly making a sound despite the fact the ground was littered with dry leaves. She strode up to the young wizard and bowed gracefully. Upon further inspection, Yithril noticed her dark, almond eyes and her unusually pointed ears. Her raven hair shone in the light, tucked behind her slender face in a tight ponytail. He had surmised that she was a Feyborn of mixed heritage, a product of several unions between wood folk and humans. She maintained the pointed ears and eyes of her feyborn ancestry, but her skin was the color of chestnuts, much like the tribes of men in the Southlands, who were oft to marry the wood folk.
“Greetings. I am known as Reya. May our fortunes grow stronger together.” Clasping her hands together, the young feyborn bowed slightly, as was the custom among her people.
“You have kept me waiting for far too long. We should have been underway hours ago, as per our agreement.” Yithril’s temper was cold and exacting, with each word leaving his mouth as a staccato. He had slightly regretted leaving the preparations for hiring a mercenary to one of the locals he had met at the inn back in town, but there was no point in having regrets.
“I pray your patience. I had other dealings to tend to; however I am now fully at your disposal for the remainder of the journey. I have already scouted ahead and surveyed the cave you wish to investigate.”
“Well, my dear feyborn lass, at least you are not incompetent. We will make haste then.” Yithril turned suddenly with a wave of his robe, and marched with a determined gait towards the direction of a large cave, or at least, where he believed there to be one. The trees swayed two and fro in the wind, creating a glowing wave as far as the eye could see. The leaves of the forest seemed to drink in the fading sunlight, then expel the rays in dazzling bursts like stars. Reya seemed to scan the area with her keen senses, utterly oblivious to the natural spectacle unfolding around her. She kept both hands hovering above the daggers strapped to her sides, ready at a moment’s notice. Yithril, too, was equally unimpressed and like his comrade seemed keener on his own safety and the objective at hand. His expression growing stern as he eventually made his way to the mouth of the cave. The opening was more than wide enough for a carriage to ride through, however the darkness within did not seem to give way to the light beaming in from the outside. Yithril stepped forward and gazed at the outside edge of the cave. Everything seemed to be covered with lichen and vegetation. “Not surprising,” thought the young wizard, “if you consider that no human has stepped foot here for hundreds of years.” Reya stood patiently for several minutes, watching as Yithril’s soft blue eyes seemed to race back and forth, searching for something on the rock face. Stepping forward, Yithril held out his palm towards the rock face and began chanting in a low hum. The tips of his finger began to pulsate with a deep blue light, emanating a low hum. Reya watched on in wonder as the plant life surrounding the cave seemed to dissolve in to the air to reveal a series of markings surrounding the entrance to the cave.
